Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Yeah, I'm Gonna Talk About The VMA's (But not just Miley)

Alright, in the midst of all the controversy over a certain child star's fall from what was not even grace, I'm going to review an entire awards show that was, frankly, probably one of the weirdest things I've seen in my life. BULLET LIST TIME!

-Let's start from the top (and leave Miley at the bottom) with Lady Gaga. I really liked her performance up until the sea shell bra, which just made me kind of uncomfortable. Her vocals sounded good, and her various costumes changes were pretty cool. I loved her set too. Let's give it a three and a half out of five.

-20 minutes of pure perfection by Justin Timberlake. He has such a gift for performing and really made that clear. One disappointment: The Social Network cast was not in the video for Suit and Tie. SORRY MY PRADA'S AT THE CLEANERS.

-Kanye was.....not offending????? I don't know, I couldn't really understand anything he was saying, but his performance was pretty low-key for him. Props, I guess.

-Bruno Mars was lackluster at best, although his vocals were quite good. I didn't mind his performance.

-Katy Perry was just meh as well. I don't think her voice sounds great live and I just feel like I've heard Roar like six bajillion times before Roar even came out. It not only bears an almost plagiarist resemblance to Sara Bareille's "Brave", it really just sounds like ten other songs that came out before Brave, and so on so forth. If Perry had a more diverse style, I'd probably like her more.

-Kevin Hart was not funny. Why they felt the need to bring him out twice is beyond me.

-Taylor Swift also needs to get out. She was really rude about winning her award and taunting ex Harry Styles,  who was sitting right there. She also mouthed shall we say rude things when One Direction won their surprisingly single award for the night. For shame, T Swizzle, for shame.

-Alright, okay, I'll do it. I'll talk about Miley Cyrus. I know you've all been waiting for it.

Look, this is not the first time Miley Cyrus has done the whole "I'm not a middle schooler in a blonde wig singing for a two camera sit-com on the most corporate sell out of corporate sell out channels." She did it with "Can't Be Tamed", and clubbing, and taking risque' photos for Vogue, and so on, most of which was still while she was on the Disney channel. But never on the scale of what she did on live TV. I'm not condoning her actions, and I think what she did was disgusting. I do however think the concern that "small children were watching" was pretty obsolete. MTV marketed this show to older teens like everything else they do, I really doubt a WHOLE lot of small children were watching. Also, Hannah Montana almost never airs anymore, and I haven't seen merchandising for it in ages. Most truly younger kids probably don't hold Miley Cyrus in regard at this point.

That being said, I really wish I could say I didn't see this coming. I would like to be as shocked and surprised as the rest of you. But I figured this was coming, not on the scale that it came, but something like this was always coming.

That being said, I would like to also point attention to equally disgusting cohort Robin Thicke. Between all the butt-less twerking and condom-esque bikini business, take a look at the lyrics to Blurred Lines. Those blurred lines are the lines of sexual consent. THIS SONG IS ABOUT RAPE. And not only that, it's glorifying rape. What Miley did was gross, but what Robin Thicke does is just as bad. And yet, we only talk about what Miley did. Is it because she's woman? Is it because Robin Thicke is not as much of established figure in the pop community, or a former child star? All are valid questions. I've been trying to point out the absolute absurd obscenity that is Blurred Lines ever since it hit top of the pop charts. Make no mistake, Miley was not the only one presenting an image of distaste and ugliness.

-But now I'm going to end this on a bright note. Like I said, One Direction were largely booed and hated upon at the awards, for absolutely no reason. Sure, they're a heavily merchandised boy band, but hey, what have they done wrong? Their songs are catchy, they're very sweet, down to earth people, and are incredibly kind to their sometimes overbearing fan base. And apparently, Lady Gaga agrees with me, because this happened when they started booing:

But before she left, she went backstage, and told the boys that......

"I just want to tell you that they deserve every bit of success they have and not to let these people humiliate them. I put that bullying in my own show because I wanted to comment on that … and I want to go now. Already I do not want be here, because I will not be in a room where people are like that. They deserve that. "

Say what you will about seashell bras and meat dresses, but you cannot deny the heart under that has good intentions.


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